Every Bad Thing I Did When I Was a Kid

Every Bad Thing I Did When I Was a Kid

 We all have a past — and sometimes, it’s not as perfect as we’d like to remember.
In this honest and slightly humorous episode of Mind Life In English, host Profe Lao looks back at childhood and shares real stories about mistakes, bad decisions, and unforgettable moments that helped shape who we are today.
This episode is not about guilt — it’s about growth, self-awareness, and learning from the past.
🎙️ In this episode, you’ll hear:
• Real childhood mistakes and funny bad decisions
• Lessons learned from those early experiences
• How our past behavior shapes our present mindset
• Why making mistakes is a natural part of growing up
• The importance of reflection and personal growth
Through storytelling and reflection, this episode helps you understand that nobody is perfect — and that’s okay. What truly matters is how we learn, grow, and move forward.
This episode is perfect for listeners who enjoy:
Real-life stories and honest conversations
Personal development and mindset improvement
Learning English through storytelling
Relaxed and natural listening practice
🌱 Life Insight:
Your past does not define you — your ability to learn from it does.
🎧 Sit back, relax, and join Profe Lao on Mind Life In English for a real and relatable journey into childhood memories and life lessons.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone. Today, hold on one second. Let me just adjust my mic here. Okay. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Is it uh okay. Um today I'm gonna be talking about childhood memories. We're gonna take a trip down memory lane. This is gonna be a long podcast style video. I might barely edit it, so it's just really raw and authentic and natural, and just you know how I talk. So grab a drink, uh, some food or whatever, clean your house, get your cleaning products ready. I don't know, put your headphones on, your earbuds in, and just relax and enjoy these funny stories that I'm gonna tell you from my childhood. I'm gonna be talking about times when I could be considered a naughty child, not naughty in a sexual way, okay, no pedophilia allowed on this channel. I just mean naughty like bad, but naughty is like in a playful way, like like bad, like when I was a bad girl, but like a bad kid, I should say, not that's creepy. Anyways, when I was a bad kid, but not really bad, you know, like when a kid is bad, it but it's like stuff that's not really bad. It's like just kids being kids and doing kids stuff. And it's funny, it's funny to to think about it and talk about it when you're an adult. Um at the time it was mortifying. At the time, you know, when I got caught doing bad things, it was like, oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, this is the end of the world. But now it's like funny to think about the times in your childhood when you were bad. So I'm gonna be telling you about that. But first, before we get into that, I have a special announcement. So I have decided to lower my price of my conversation class. Okay, so I'm not gonna give a specific number in this video because I want this video to be immortalized and I might increase the price in the future. But you can click the link in the comments or you can go on my channel page and you can see how much my conversation class currently costs, and you could read the description and everything, see what it is, what it entails. But basically, I have decreased it a lot since the the last time or the first time that I announced that I'm doing conversation classes again. So it is the lowest price right now that I've had in like at least two years, if not more. If you were thinking about like you want to take conversation classes with me, or you just want to try one and see how it goes, and you were not liking the price, you thought the price was too high, then maybe this is your your chance. But if you still think the price is too high, well, I don't know what to tell you. I it's my price, okay? It is what it is. So no amount of complaining is gonna get me to change it. So just so you know. But it is a lot lower than it was, so it's a it's a bit more accessible now, all right? So I just wanted to let you know, I do, yes, I do conversation classes, and the price has been lowered, so just so you know. All right, now back to the video. So I wrote a list of all kinds of stuff that I could think of from my childhood that were like bad things that I did. I feel like it's not a complete list. Like I feel like there's a lot of other stuff that I'm not remembering that maybe will come to me later and maybe I'll have to make another video. But I wrote a nice little little list here. So I'm just gonna go through the list and I'm just gonna go one by one and tell you about each memory that I have. All right, sound good? Okay, so the first one, I was an only child until I was about almost six years old. Like I was technically five when my brother was born, but I was like almost six. So I was used to being the only child, and I've always been someone who just played by myself most of the time. Like I've spent most of my life alone and just playing by myself, being by myself, and that was just totally comfy and normal for me. Like um, I would play with friends sometimes, neighborhood k kids and stuff, neighborhood kids and stuff, but you know, friends from school, whatever. But but a lot of the time I just was playing by myself. And I loved to play outside and play outside by myself and just kind of I don't know, wander around the yard and like look at stuff and check things out and stuff. And I realized one day that if you well, I don't know if it was like my parents who showed me this, but I don't know. Basically I learned about the concept of weeding, like weed weeding a garden, which is to like take all the weeds or the unwanted plants out of your garden. So like to take all of the um all of this all the plants that just that grow in your garden without your control and you just you want to remove them because you only want to have the plants that you chose to be in your garden. So we call this weeding or taking out all the weeds. Um so I learned about this concept of weeding and how you can take plants and you can rip them up out of the ground so that the whole root comes out, the whole entire plant comes out of the ground. And I thought this was so incredibly satisfying to rip a plant out of the ground, roots and all. Something about it, incredibly satisfying. Um I never felt guilty for it because I never felt bad about it because well the plants are not sentient, you know, they they they don't feel pain, they don't have brains and nervous systems. Um, you know, this is just basic biology 101, but also there's no clear sign, there's no indication uh for you know plants to suffer suffer. So, you know, I was a very empathetic kid. I could never like hurt an animal, but I definitely enjoyed ripping plants out of the ground. And um never felt any remorse about it. So um I discovered this, and but the issue was I couldn't tell the difference between a weed and a specific plant that my mother wanted in her garden. Like she didn't really have a garden, she just had like like garden beds, like flower beds around the house. Like right around the edge of the house, she just had like flowers and like like ornamental plants, right? Just for like like the look, right? The aesthetic, the the decoration. But I I don't know, in my young brain, I couldn't tell the difference. Like I didn't know what was the plants that my mom wanted and what were the were the weeds. Like I I couldn't tell the difference. I didn't know. And I was just playing outside by myself. And I basically just started pulling out my mom's plants, and I thought I was weeding, and I I did I thought I was doing a good job. Like I didn't know what I was doing. And then later I was in the house and I overheard, I was listening, I overheard my mom talking to my stepdad, she and she said, Oh, the my what happened to my plants? They're all ripped out of the ground. Maybe oh, maybe the the neighbor's dog got into them. Maybe, maybe it was the neighbor's dog just destroying my plants. And I thought that was amazing how she never she never considered that it was me. She never she never thought it was me. She just she just she just thought it was the neighbor's dog. Yeah, why would why would the dog rip out the plants, like roots and all? I don't know. It wasn't just like digging, it was like totally ripped out. I don't know. But I overheard her saying that, and I was like, oh shit, that was me. That was me, but I'm not gonna say anything because uh I don't want to get in trouble. I'm embarrassed, so I didn't say anything. So I don't think my mom ever knew that was me. Um, but I never did it again. I never did it again. I learned my lesson. Um, yeah, my mom. My mom was a bit naive as a mom. Like she like she always gave me the benefit of the doubt. Like she never assumed I was up to no good. Like she always thought like I was a good kid and I wouldn't be doing something bad, like for the most part. Um, like unless it I was being rude to her directly, like unless it was right in front of her face and she witnessed it, she would just assume that it wasn't me. Like she, I don't know. I never crossed her mind that I was doing this mis doing these mischievous things. So um that was probably one of the first memories I have of being bad. Um, the next one, I was taking a shower and I got out of the shower or turned off the water, whatever. I was also a little kid, very little. This is like these memories I have are from my first house that I lived in, which we left when I was like maybe like six years old. So all of these memories right now that I'm saying are from like younger than six. So I was uh getting out of the shower or whatever, like um toweling off of whatever, probably just like bored, just playing around in the bathroom. And I started to try to hang on the shower rod, you know, the sh the bar, the rod that the shower curtain is on. So I I was hanging on, I was trying to hang on the shower rod like a monkey, because I liked hanging on bars when I was a kid. And of course, the the shower rod broke and it it fell down, and I was like, oh shit. Oh I was like, oh no, I broke it. I broke it. Then I go, I I had to go tell my mom because she would have known it was me. Or you know, like who else was up in the shower, not the neighbor's dog. And so I go tell my mom with my tail between my legs, that that's an expression to say like I was like embarrassed, uh ashamed. I go, I go to tell my mom, and she was like, I I think she was like a little distracted or on the phone or something. I don't know, I don't know, but or in a good mood or whatever, I don't know. But she was like, Oh, don't worry about it. That that shower rod is is bad. It it it falls down easily. And I was like, oh, phew. Like I was like, oh, oh, okay, okay, that's good. Um, because I thought I broke it. So uh these cute things felt so bad about. Anyways, okay, next one. Okay, this is something that my stepmom told me. So I I grew up like especially in the first like eight years of my life, I grew up with two houses. So one house with my mom and my stepdad, and my other house with my dad and my stepmom. And I shared these living places. Like I would spend Mondays and Tuesdays at my mom's, Wednesdays and Thursdays at my dad's, and I would alternate weekends. And I lived this kind of 50-50 split schedule. So I was also raised a lot by my my stepmom. My stepmom was kind of like a second mom to me. And she has a couple stories that she always likes to remind me of. She always tells me from when I was a little kid. Um, and my stepparents were in my life from the time that I was a baby. So I viewed them as like my parents. Like I viewed them as like my family from as long as I could remember. So um, so my stepmom she likes to tell me the story of how I one time went to go to the bathroom by myself, and I was very little, right? Again, probably like five or younger under five, like maybe like three or four, like very young. And I had the idea of wanting to stand up while I pee because I wanted to try to pee like a boy. I guess that's what I said. And I wanted to try it. And this makes sense. This seems like something I would do. And so I tried to stand up in front of the toilet and pee like a boy. Um, and that didn't go very well. And then I I don't remember exactly what happened, but obviously my stepmom she found out and she's like, you can't pee like a boy. Um, but now that I'm an adult, I realize that even boys or men shouldn't be peeing standing up because i i if you think that there's no problem with peeing standing up, it means that you don't clean bathrooms because you know why would you why would you pour something into a cup um like from a from here? Why would you pour like this when you could pour like this? You know, like imagine like your the toilet is the cup, and then you're standing up and you're pouring something into the cup like at that distance. It doesn't make any sense. We don't do that with any other thing. So why why do we think that peeing standing up is okay? It's not. Men, boys, they can sit down and pee totally fine. So now that I'm an adult, I realize like for the sake of the people who have to clean bathrooms, uh, there's no reason to stand up even for boys. But obviously, it's easier for boys to stand up than girls and pee. Um, but that doesn't mean that it all goes in the toilet because it it still makes a mess often. So um, but obviously with girls, it's much more difficult to be standing up. So um so there's that story. Another one my stepmom always reminds me of is one time I was petting my cat. I think it was my cat Elmo. I got a cat when I was two years old, and they asked me what I wanted to name the cat, and I said Elmo because I was two and I loved Elmo. You know, Elmo like the red monster from Sesame Street. Yeah. So my cat Elmo, and my cat Elmo was the sweetest cat. Like he was timid and he would never he would never bite your scratch you. Like Elmo was like a scaredy cat, literally. He was uh scaredy cat is like an expression, like to mean like someone who gets scared easily, but in this case he was literally a cat, a scaredy cat. So it's kind of a joke there. Anyways, m um so my cat, you know, he wouldn't have done anything because it it was Elmo, and somehow I knew that, I sensed that, but I was petting Elmo, petting him, like like touching him like this, caressing him. We say petting. I was petting Elmo when he was eating his food, and my stepmom said, Don't pet the kitty while he's eating. And because I guess that could he like he could bite you or something, I don't know. And I said, I turned to her and I lifted my finger, I think, and I said, I will touch the kitty or something like that. Don't tell me what I don't want to do. I don't know. I probably said something like that. I think that's what what the story is. But yeah, I uh I had a very uh I want to do what I want to do, nature, always. Um sometimes I was afraid of my stepmom when I was young, so not of my mom. I was like not afraid of my mom at all, but I was afraid of my stepmom sometimes, so I sometimes I would not resist or like defy what she said, but in that case, like sometimes I did. But I always had this very like, don't tell me what to do kind of uh personality. That's just the way I am. I've always been that way. I think the first time I got in trouble at school, um, I feel like they made it such a big deal and it wasn't really that big of a deal. I think there was like a f at least a phone call to my parents, if not like a letter. I think I think they literally sent me home with a letter to my parents. Like it was like some big deal, some formal thing. And I'm I looking back, it was like, I think it's ridiculous. But um, I guess it was like the weather where I'm from, it's kind of like rainy, snowy, and then muddy because when the there's a lot of water that mixes with the dirt, it turns into mud. And so it was very muddy outside, and we were outside playing uh at recess, recess time. It's like when we all play outside after lunch, all the kids. And I guess we were informed not to play in the mud, or we were not allowed to, or told not to go play in the mud, or in certain like in a certain area of the playground. I don't remember, I don't remember the the warning. I mean, I don't remember being told this. Maybe we we probably were, I just didn't pay attention or something, or I didn't care. Um, but anyways, me and some other girls, some other uh classmates, you know, peers, uh we played in the mud and we got all muddy and um I really don't remember this. Like I don't remember what it actually was like that day. I think it was in kindergarten or something, or no, maybe first grade. I think maybe first grade. Um I thought I don't actually remember, but all I know is I re I have the memory of like going home and having like a talk with my parents uh that night at the table about like me getting in trouble for playing in the mud. And I I I I think I didn't really get in trouble by my parents. Like I think my parents also thought it was kind of ridiculous. Um, and my mom was a kindergarten teacher as well, but at a different school. So, you know, she could like she understood everything that was happening when I was that age. Like she was very familiar with all of the stuff and what it's like to, you know, to work at those schools and stuff. But I don't think I don't remember getting scolded for that or getting in trouble for that. It was I think because I was in general I was such a good kid at school and I did very well at school and I got good grades and like I was usually like the best kid in the class in terms of grades and um like I just was very good at school, like the different subjects of school, writing and reading and math, and like I just I was very good at it and I was usually pretty well behaved. So my parents always had this kind of attitude of they didn't expect me to do anything wrong. And so if I did, they were just like, eh. Like they were just like like and they definitely um punished me at home for other things. Like my mom was always getting mad at me about other things at home, but not not stuff at school. Like I almost never got in trouble because of stuff at school, because I just was expected, it was just expected that I am like a good kid at school and um I do well at school and they don't need to worry about me. So like my parents never had to tell me to do my homework, I just did it, like you know, so there was this kind this kind of understanding that I am a good kid at school. So when I did get in trouble, it was like it's like I think they were laughing. Like I think, like I think they thought it was funny too, um, or like not a big deal, you know. So so I got in trouble for that. Um playing outside in the mud. Um, yeah, I think I just didn't care. I was like, uh, my friends are playing in the mud, I'm gonna play in the mud. So um then the next thing I did bad, this this is a really bad thing. I'm actually kind of not embarrassed about this because I was like six years old, but I this is a this is a cringy thing. This is a bad thing that um is more serious. So basically, um we had this new kid at school. Uh he was from Russia. Um he just immigrated to the US from Russia. And he his English wasn't very good, right? He knew he knew some basic things in English, but he didn't really know much English, I guess. At least that's what it seemed like. And so, and this was this was in first grade, remember? So I remember we were outside at recess, and you know, this is where all the bad stuff happens at recess. And I remember some kids, some boys, right? It's always the boys that started stuff like this. The b some boys in my class were laughing and joking about how they were telling him things and he didn't understand. So they were telling him things like they were telling him to shut up. Uh, they were saying shut up to this Russian kid. And they were laughing because he does he doesn't understand. And I I don't know why, but I joined in. I joined in and I think I said shut up to the kid also, like once. And I don't know if all the other kids got in trouble. I hope they did too. All I know is I got in trouble um for participating in that. And that was a bit of a more serious thing that my parents talked to me about. Um, and because yeah, obviously that's not okay. Um, but yeah, I didn't start it, but I did join in. I did join in on that one. I don't know, I don't know why. I don't know why I joined in on that. Oh, I don't know. But anyways, that that's another thing that I did. That's another time I was bad. Another thing, um, I always used to bite my nails. Um I was bored a lot in class. I was always bored at school and like the entire time I went to school, I was bored at school. And so I used to uh fidget, fidget like I used to play with things, like I used to play with uh squishy things, squishy stuff, or I used to like bite things, like I used to bite my pencil. One time I ate like a whole pencil. I can't believe I'm saying this. I ate a pencil except like everything except the lead. Horrible shit. Like I I just I used to have a pencil and I used to bite on it. And you bite it, and first you bite the eraser, and then you bite the metal piece, and then you and then you get down to the pencil, and then you start biting the wood like a A frickin' beaver, and you just bite, bite, bite, and then all of a sudden you have this tiny little pencil, and you I I don't know. I don't know if I just ate the wood or I spit it out. I don't know. I don't I might have eaten pencils. Like I might have just completely eaten pencils. I probably did. I probably did eat pencils. I was so bored at school and so like it's not that I had ADHD and I was just like, oh my god, I can't sit still. I can't I don't know. I I don't think so. I think I was just so frickin' bored and like didn't want to be there and just so yeah, just so bored and the only thing I could do to to cope with it was bite things. So I used to just bite my pencil, I used to bite um my nails. And so my but my stepmom wanted me to stop biting my nails. She said it's gross. I mean it's like germy. She said, it's germy, like there's germs you're getting if you are putting your fingers in your mouth. Um so she and and she clipped my nails. She clipped them with a nail clipper. So there was no reason to bite them. It's not like nobody was clipping my nails, but but I I just bit them anyways, and it was like really hard for me to stop biting my nails. And one time she took my hand and she said, You're biting your nails again. Like I told you to stop biting your nails. And I lied. I tried to lie about it, but it was the most it was the the worst lie I could possibly think. Like it was so bad. I'm a person who cannot lie. I cannot lie. And when I if I tried to lie, like when I was a kid, it was a horrible lie. Like it was so bad. So not good at lying. But you know, but I think a lot of kids are like that. They think they're lying, doing it making a good lie, but uh saying a good lie, but parents they see right through it. Like parents know that kids are lying most of the time when they're lying. Yeah, because in our kid brains we think that it's a good lie, but it's not. So anyway, so I told her I told her something stupid, like, oh, like because it was winter time, like, oh, when the the windows on the bus, they get all fogged up, and then I they or they get like they get like ice on them or um or snow or something. I don't know, and I I was scratching the windows trying to clean the windows, and that's why my nails look like that's scratching the windows. No, I didn't bite them. I was scratching I didn't bite my nails. Oh my god. She was like, right, okay. And then okay, that's all I can remember from when I was little. I'm sure I did a lot more stuff, but that's that's everything I wrote down until about sixth grade. I have this memory of being in sixth grade specifically, sixth, sixth grade. Basically, that this is my first year of middle school. So we have elementary school, and then starting at sixth grade, you have middle school, and then you have that for about three years, and then you go to high school, which is ninth grade, and then you're there for four years or whatever. So that that's how a lot of the school system is in the US, maybe not everyone, but that's how a lot of them are, I think. So I was in sixth grade, my first year of middle school, and this is this is when I started this is when school started to get a little bit stricter in class, and then also I started to get more and more talkative in class, like chatty, chatty with my friends. So essentially I had some good friends in my class, in my sixth grade class, and we would sit in the back and we would just talk. We just joke and laugh and talk and make jokes and stuff. And basically the teacher, it was this man, it was this his name was Mr. Curran. Curran, he was this like big man, tall big man, and he was like, he he he was fed up. He had enough. He he was listening to us, he was hearing us uh chat and laugh and stuff in the back and not paying attention. And he he was done, he was done. So he said, he called me by my name and my friend, my friend's name, he called me and my friend, and he said, Write your name on the board. So we had to walk up to the the whiteboard and we had to take a marker and we had to write our names on the board. Now this is just like a symbolic thing. It's like it's basically shaming us. It's basically a way to stop the class. The class goes silent and everybody's looking at us, and it's just a big dramatic thing of writing our names on the board, like, oh, they're in trouble. But nothing happened. We didn't have to go to the principal, we didn't have we didn't get any punishment, we didn't get detention, we didn't have extra work, we didn't like I don't even know if the teacher talked to us. Maybe he said just like don't don't do that, cut it out or something. I don't know. But we we didn't really have like a real consequence other than just the shame of walking up to the class, uh the the whiteboard, the class board, I was gonna say, the whiteboard and walking up in front of the class and writing our name. That was the whole punishment. I guess it's effective, the shame of doing that. I don't know, but um, but yeah, I I probably it probably was effective. I probably didn't talk that much in in that class again. But yeah, I specifically remember that because that was my first time of like that was like my first oh shit moment at school where like, oh, I got in trouble. Because I wasn't used to getting in trouble. I wasn't used to being that kid that gets in trouble. Because like, yeah, I had this idea of myself that other people had of me, teachers had of me, parents had of me. I had this idea of myself like being a good kid at school. So that was the first time I was like, oh, I am actually getting in trouble. I'm actually being like a bad kid at school, but not really bad, but just you know, because like I said, I was so freaking bored at school all the time. I was bored so bored in class that uh I just wanted to talk to my friends, socialize with my friends. And this happened all the way through high school. Um I remember in a few of my classes in high school, I had like some of my I had some close friends that we used to just laugh and giggle and the whole time. I had this one friend, Sarah. Uh there was one class where the teacher was so relaxed, and like basically the only thing we had to do in that class was just be on our laptops. Uh yes, the school gave us all laptops, and it was like school property. Like we didn't get to keep it, it was just for school use, but but we all had laptops, and in then in that class, it was all just about like writing an essay all the time. So we were just it was like an essay writing class or something. So we were just supposed to be doing that. So we basically got a free pass to just be on our laptops the entire class, and we would just go sit in a corner and be on our laptops and pretend that we're writing the essay and researching and stuff. And really, we were just like playing games on our laptops with each other. We would just play pool, you know, pool like um a pool stick, pool table is green with the with the balls. You have to like with the numbers on them. Yeah. We used to play pool. I think it has different names in like England or other countries, but in the US we call it pool. So we used to play digital pool, pool online, but with each other. So we we would play games against each other on our laps, and we just laugh and giggle and like take photos. I don't the teacher probably knew what you know we were doing, but they just were like, whatever. Like I don't know, we we got a free pass. So um, and then I that girl Sarah, she Sarah was a good friend of mine. We we played sports together, we were we played field hockey together, we played basketball together, and we were in a lot of the same classes, and she was super goofy, and I was too, so we were just always joking around. And she sat next to me in Spanish class until the Spanish teacher moved us because we were just talking way too much. Um, and that was that was sad when we got separated because uh yeah, it was just so fun. It was so fun. Um that was I have some good some good memories in that class. Um yeah, so so I liked to talk a lot at school and to talk to my friends and and not pay attention. And yeah. What can I say? I don't understand the kids that just like sat quietly all the time at school. I just my brain was rotting, like I just felt like school was making me stupid and it was wasting my time and it was killing my soul. So I had to talk to my friends. Another bad thing I did, this was bad on like I should not have done this. My my brother was born when I was like, yeah, five, almost six, and I remember when he was about like maybe three years old around there, like three or four years old. Uh he used to sometimes fall asleep in the car sitting in his car seat, and I was sitting next to him in the back, and sometimes I had this strong, strong temptation to peel to to like peel back, peel back his eyelids. No, that's not that sounds weird. To like lift lift up his eyelids and expose his eye while he was sleeping. Like open his eyes while he was sleeping. Like, isn't that horrible? Why did I do that? So I I did it like a f like a couple times, I think. I couldn't I couldn't resist the temptation. So and normally for the most part, I treated my brother very well. Like for the most part, I I wasn't like a mean big sister. Like I loved him and I love and I cared about him and I had empathy for him. So most of the time I treated him nicely. Like most of the time he treated me worse than I treated him. Like he was like a little, you know, little brother that liked to uh, you know, instigate stuff sometimes, instigate he liked to like tease me and stuff. But um, but for the most part, we always had a good, good relationship. We liked to play together. But for some reason, a couple times when he was sleeping, I opened his eyes. And I don't remember him waking up. I feel like he just went back, he just like stayed sleeping, which is so crazy. But yeah, I don't know. That I feel bad about that. I should not have done that. But I don't even know if he remembers because he was sleeping. But yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why I had that that urge. My intrusive thoughts. Another thing that I did that probably a lot of people can relate to, a lot of kids and stuff, I don't know. Like our parents used to buy presents for us, right? Whether it was for um birthdays or Christmas. Christmas is a big one. We knew we were getting a bunch of presents and our parents had them hidden somewhere. And I always knew that my mom kept my presents in her closet. And she didn't, yeah, she didn't really do a good job of hiding them. They were just in her closet. And so I would go in there when I was home alone, or if my mom was like busy doing something or whatever, like I would sometimes sneak into my mom's closet and look at the present. Um, yeah, even when like when I got old enough, I would get off the bus at my house alone, and I would be like home alone until my mom came home from work. And yeah, I I would go in her closet and look at look at my presents, look at my stuff that wasn't wrapped yet. It was just all out in the open, and I would look and see some of the stuff that I was gonna get for Christmas. Um, because I wanted to know, and I I couldn't wait. Oh, the you know, the the temptation was killing me. So and this is what I mean about my mom being kind of naive. Like she i she had to have known that I would do that, but I feel like she just I don't know, she just chose not to think about it. My mom was weird like this. Like I remember one time we were out shopping, we were out at a store, and I saw this CD that I really wanted to to get, you know, back when we used to listen to CDs. And it was like Christmas time soon. So my mom was like, okay, and she put the the CD in the car, in the cart, in the shopping cart, but it was supposed to be like for Christmas. Like she didn't let me have it right away. She put it in the car, and she's like, Okay, it'd be a Christmas present. You have to wait for Christmas. And then I was like trying to look at it, like trying to look at the CD. She was like, Don't look at it. It was like she was like buying it right in front of me because I told her I wanted it, and she was like, Don't look at it. It's for Christmas. My mom was so silly, like so weird. I don't know why. She liked to she liked to pretend, she liked to make this illusion in her mind of like, I don't know, or I don't see it, I'm not aware, but I obviously was. And then that continued as I got older, and um I was very fortunate to get uh an iPod. I had an iPod. I can't remember how old I was when I first got an iPod, but having an iPod, um I mean before that I had a CD player, um, but there was something something about having an iPod that I could put like any music from the internet on it. There was something about that. And then later, when I was about 11 years old, my my mom and my dad, they um they came together and they split the cost of a laptop and they bought me a laptop. And that was very privileged. Like most of the kids my age at the time did not have their own laptop. So that was like that was like a really special thing. Um it helped that I had two households. I had two two families, like my mom's house, my dad's house. So they only had to pay half of the cost, so they split it. So it didn't feel like the whole cost of the laptop was a burden on one household. So a lot of the times I got spoiled. Like I got a lot of material things growing up because my my because I had a lot of family. I had four parents and then their family, so I had a lot of relatives. Um, so I always had like a bunch of different Christmases and birthdays. I had literally two houses, two bedrooms full of stuff. And also they were all able to split the cost on more expensive things like a laptop. So so I was uh very fortunate. So but I got a so I got a laptop when I was 11, and I before that I already had gotten an iPod. And having my own personal iPod and laptop allowed me to access music and shows and movies and whatever I want on the internet that was stuff that my parents would probably consider to be inappropriate, inappropriate, stuff that is vulgar, stuff that is not suitable for children or young people, like stuff that my family probably would not approve of, that I was free to access and listen to and watch. So from a from a very young age, I was listening to, I mean, basically from the time I was like 11, um, I started listening to a lot of like hip hop and rap music that was very vulgar, had a lot of profanity, uh, sexual things, drugs, a lot, a lot of things. Like um uh it just I I listened, I was I was very drawn always to rap music. I don't know, like a lot of kids, they grew up in they went through like a rock phase, they got into rock. I never had a rock phase, I was into rap. Something about rap always was so fascinating to me. I loved it. Um so I I was into rap a lot in my teenage years, and all rap is quite vulgar, and that's what I listened to at like 11 years old, 12 years old, 13 years old. Um and my my parents knew that I liked listening to rap, but they didn't really understand, they didn't actually hear what I was really listening to. You know, they only heard like maybe a couple radio censored versions of these rap artists, but they didn't really know what if you listen to the explicit albums of these rap artists, what it actually sound what it actually is, they didn't really know. And I think they didn't want to know, you know, it was kind of like, oh yeah, she likes she likes that that rap music, but I don't know, but whatever. Like I feel like they knew it was probably bad, but they didn't want to know. Uh or they just, yeah, they just let me listen to it. And then I had total freedom with my laptop. There was no parental restrictions or controls on my laptop. My mom never checked my laptop, she never checked to see if there was anything on it. I used to clear my history anyways, but um, I think there was just a lot of trust. I think my parents, they trusted me a lot. They knew I was a good kid. I did really well at school. Also, I was a girl, not a boy, so I feel like they just kind of like let me do what I want, and they didn't expect that I was doing like bad things. Um I was just a young kid. I was I was curious about a lot of things. I was curious about um about certain vulgar things and profanity. I was curious about yeah, language. I was curious about adult things, adult activities. I was curious about like, for example, I always wanted to watch the show Family Guy. Family Guy is a little bit vulgar, but I never could watch it on TV in my family's house because you can't watch that in like your living room, your family around and stuff, your parents. So I used to watch it on my laptop. Um I used to watch like content for, yeah, like adults and teenagers and stuff, some inappropriate, inappropriate movies and things. Um so but I learned a lot. I will say I I learned a lot. And um, I don't think that it scarred me. I don't think that it traumatized me. I think real life situations as an adult, like getting th getting into things when I got older was traumatizing. Like I feel like actually doing things, actually having real life experiences was what might have given me trauma about certain things, but not looking at stuff on the internet when I was 12. Like I don't think looking at stuff on the internet when I was 12 gave me trauma. I think if anything, the crazy things I did when I was 19 gave me trauma, you know? So it I don't think it it like scarred me. I don't think that it um messed up my brain development or I don't know. I mean it probably had some impact, but I don't I think it was fine. I was smart enough to know the difference between like what exists and what you should do, right? Like I would listen to rap music that was very misogynistic and homophobic, but it didn't make me misogynistic or homophobic. Like I knew how to differentiate between like the music and how you should be in real life. So it never like really it I don't think it made me violent. I don't think it made me I think it was just like a release. It was like a because I dealt with a lot of anger and you know strong emotions in my teenage years, and I think it uh it it helped me like it helped me deal with these feelings or like have an outlet. You know, I think that's why a lot of kids like rock or heavy metal as well as like um to to help deal with to help like escape and deal with these emotions. So um yeah, so I think it was I think it was great for me. Like I mean I I I loved it. I feel like I needed it at the time. And yeah, I have no regrets there, but I just wanted to share that because that could be that could be considered as something bad that I did. Um, that I was allowed total freedom with m you know, music and media and everything. I had a laptop, I had an iPod. Um I and and I wouldn't I probably wouldn't give that to my own child at that age. Um, but that's what I had, and uh I certainly learned about a lot of things a lot earlier than other kids did, especially other girls, I think. Um I think boys got into a lot of things a lot earlier, but uh but yeah. So is it ideal? No, but it's what happened. And then the last thing I wrote on the list is just just probably the the most general way that I was getting in trouble, that I was bad when I was a kid. Um my mom was just constantly, constantly scolding me, yelling at me, getting mad at me. My my mom, and I've talked about this in another video, my mom had a lot of personal issues. My mom had a lot of anger, and um she she had a lot of issues from her childhood, and she did not deal well with um anger and with with I don't know, with life. She she struggled with life, and she she in some ways she was a great parent, in other ways she was not, and she struggled with uh how to deal with situations and she she created a lot of problems for herself and then just would get upset about the problems all the time instead of changing the root of the problem. And I mean my mom, we you know, we were like oil and water, we we didn't mix, we were constantly butting heads, we were constantly, you know, I was constantly um like resisting her and like telling her like how she was doing things wrong and how she um I don't like that she married my stepdad and I she's you know, I don't like him, and I don't like uh well nowadays we have a good relationship, but back when I was a kid and a teenager, I did not like him. I mean when I was a teenager, I did not like my stepdad. Um and I would get mad that that she's all ki stressed and angry about him and she could just divorce him and she's like mad at me and and I was just anyways, I had a lot of issues with her and I told her and I would always tell her and I would just be totally honest. And she she couldn't handle that. She hated that. And she was always yelling at me and telling me not to talk back, telling me not to be fresh, to be smart, to be wise, you know, like these are all the ways they they expressed like um basically not responding with attitude. Um she was always saying that my tone was bad. She was always and and yeah I was rude a lot to her but I was rude because I because I felt like I was living in a prison. Like I felt like I didn't want to live with her but I had to because I was a child and I didn't like being controlled. I didn't like being told what to do. And I thought she was dumb in a lot of ways and m I my stepdad I thought my my parents and everybody was stupid and I didn't want to listen to them because I thought like they don't know what they're doing. Like they're so they're so foolish and I don't respect them. I don't take them seriously and anyway it's a lot. It's a lot of stuff I'm trying to summarize here. But essentially um I didn't really respect my parents and my mom and I definitely made it clear. I definitely made it clear that it didn't that I didn't respect her and of course she hated that and she and because my mom had an anger issue and she didn't and she didn't know how to deal with her anger she was always yelling at me. And then that just made it worse. That just made me more angry with her and it was this continuous back and forth cycle of of fighting. So and my mom died when I was 14 but up until then but up until then um most of my childhood I was kind of like bad especially especially from like um like eight years old until she died. So there was a good like the last six years there like from eight years old to fourteen the the our last six years together I was uh you know I was getting older and um things were starting to get get worse and worse between us. But I think if my mom were alive today I think we would have a good relationship, like a decent one. Um not not perfect, but I think I mean not not maybe ideal or amazing but I I think we would have a good relationship today. I wish she were here but um but we definitely did have have a lot of problems in my childhood and um yeah I often felt like um like I was I was a bad kid, you know, in her eyes. But I knew she always loved me unconditionally and you know but she definitely struggled to to feel that sometimes I think when she she was when when we were so like fighting you know fighting so much I think. Like like I always I always I never felt like she stopped loving me of course but but you know it it was hard to feel sometimes when it was so um so problematic the relationship you know um but I I was very cruel to her as well um but it was just because I was I was young and I had a lot of pain. I had a lot of pain for various things various reasons and um and then I was angry at her and blamed her for that. So um yeah not just her also my stepdad and my dad and stepmom everybody. So um but nowadays as an adult I have a good relationship with my stepmom and my stepdad. Not with my dad uh I don't talk to my dad uh but that's a whole other story I have talked about that in another video on here on my channel but yeah basically um that's everything I wrote down on the list. Um there are I'm sure many other things that I did that were bad like absolutely um but that's just what I wrote down some some funny stuff from my childhood that I can remember that I wanted to share today. And I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned some things in English or you just enjoyed this this these stories podcast style video. If you like these kinds of podcast videos or me talking about my childhood like please let me know in the comments like every time you leave a comment telling me that you like these kinds of videos it really helps me see the support and and prioritize making more of these videos. Like it really it really helps me get a sense of how much people enjoy these types of videos because I love making these kinds of videos but I only want to make them if like people really are wanting them. So because you know I could make typical traditional English teaching type videos on my channel but I I feel like and I I think a lot of you agree I don't know they're a little boring compared to these kinds of videos where I talk about life and me and my life and what I think about things and stuff. So so I mean I would love to just make videos like this but I don't know if uh you know if there's enough support for it so so yeah never feel like um your comment if you leave a comment on my video it's it's pointless because it absolutely like I look at most of the comments and I definitely um take into consideration like every person who says that they like a certain kind of video and they want more and it really does help me a lot. So if you if you can comment on my videos like I would appreciate that song. All right so thank you for listening. Thank you for watching until the end as always and I hope you have a wonderful fabulous fantastic amazing day or night and I'll see you in the next one. Bye bye